Bologna Sandwich & Mint Chocolate Chip Milkshake for Troll 2

A bologna sandwich?! Think about the cholesterol! Think about... THE TOXINS!
A bologna sandwich?! Think about the cholesterol! Think about… THE TOXINS!

Happy Halloween! If you want to get in the Halloween spirit, but the idea of watching a scary movie gives you the heebie-jeebies, consider the 1990 unintentional (?) horror comedy Troll 2. Keep in mind that this so-called sequel has nothing to do with the original 1986 movie Troll, and also features no trolls… The movie focuses instead on a family visiting the town of Nilbog which is inhabited by evil, vegetarian goblins.  

It’s helpful to know that the script idea stemmed from the director’s wife’s frustration over her friends’ conversion to vegetarianism. In Troll 2, if a human consumes any of the food provided by the goblins – which mostly takes the form of various green cakes, gelatins and beverages – he or she either turns into a plant or melts into a pile of green chlorophyll goo that can then be consumed by the goblins. One can fend off the goblins by “poisoning” his/her blood by eating a double-decker bologna sandwich. If the plot doesn’t sound ridiculous enough, you haven’t seen the half of it. There’s  the awkward script, written by Italians with a questionable grasp of the English language,  and the even more awkward acting because most of the cast had no previous acting experience (they were respondents to a casting call on location in rural Utah, including one of the leads who was a local dentist and another who was a mental patient on a day trip).

In order to pay homage to possibly the best worst movie ever*, I whipped up a green mint chocolate chip milkshake that’ll sweeten your insides enough for even the most picky goblin. To counteract the green milkshake’s effect, don’t forget to serve it with a fried bologna sandwich. It was tempting to add some greens like crunchy romaine or pepper arugula, but that would obviously minimize the bologna sandwich’s effectiveness. Keep it untainted from such toxic greens and you might get out of Nilbog alive!

*See the 2009 documentary Best Worst Movie which details the production and popularity of the film.

Mint Chocolate Chip Milkshake

Ingredients (Yield: 1 serving):

1/2 pint mint chocolate chip ice cream
1/4 cup of 2% milk
Green food coloring (optional – to pump up the green)
1/8 cup of light rum (optional – to make it naughty)
Mint leaves to garnish

Directions:

  1. Pour milk into a blender.
  2. Scoop 1 pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream into the blender.
  3. Add 4-5 drop of green food coloring. Adjust to desired appearance.
  4. Add rum.
  5. Blend until combined and pour into glasses.
  6. Garnish with mint.

Fried Bologna Sandwich (Yield: 1 serving)

Ingredients:

2 slices of white bread
2 tsp mayonnaise
4 slices of bologna
1/8 tsp of vegetable oil
1T mustard (I used a porter beer spicy brown mustard, but simple yellow mustard is just fine)

Directions:

  1. Heat oil in frying pan on medium high heat.
  2. Brown one side of bologna and flip (the center will bubble up, so feel free to press down the center with a spatula while it fries). Remove from pan after both sides are slightly browned. Set aside.
  3. Spread 1 tsp of mayonnaise on one side of each slice of bread. Place mayonnaise side down on the heated frying pan. Fry one side until lightly golden. Remove from pan.
  4. Spread mustard on the non-fried side of one slice of bread.
  5. Roll the fried bologna slices and place between both slices of bread.
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